Mental stress in sports

 I don't know exactly what TC issue is. Looking back he has always had a perseverance on things when they are not as he expects. For instance the 3 year old throwing over the table. And the little one who sat there challenging me after I had told him to do the thing...whatever it was. As with all people his greatest strength is his greatest weakness. His intensity pushes him to do well but when he encounters an obstacle he does not know how to handle it. He freaks out. He blows up. It happened yesterday. He came home from school and wanted to play his DS. I said, Ok. He got the thing and found that it was dead so he got the charging cord BUT the block that goes into the wall was missing. He flipped out. F bombs and carrying on. We should have taken the darn player and asked what the issue was but we didn't we helped him find the thing and go and play. With ski racing it began in January with expectations-WIN. 1st place. He could see it and feel it the same with the Kanc. When Bucket brought up all of his explosions in one sentence it was overwhelming. Where I saw growth Bucket saw a pattern that had not changed. 

I honestly think the trigger is hunger, thirst, and fatigue. He does not take care of himself. Today I looked in his lunch and he had not eaten. Of course he will come home from baseball starving yet he wants to play his game. He has to meet the basic needs first and Takis don't do it. I made him a flat bread pizza, steak, cauliflower and he ate it all. Maybe I need to think about protein powder. 

High levels of stress increase burn out and fatigue. TC is one who has a high level of stress. It is mentally and physically taxing. By the end of the season as the stress grows and fatigue sets in, it leads a greater likelihood of burnout and meltdowns. 

How to deal with a frustrated athlete. These kids are more likely to drop out because it is not fun anymore. That is why we spent a ridiculous amount of money to make Can-Ams the best we could. T. was still upset at the end because it did not go well for him. I had high hopes for the Slalom as well but he went for it run 1 then just skied safe. If you look at the reality it makes sense (a little). He just didn't go for it on the second run. He wants to finish. 

My frustration and anger are not helping. Even though it is not exactly about his skiing, my anger is about our failure so he wants to succeed. To bring joy to the family. I guess. Maybe I am overthinking like everything else. 

Tucker does not let go of his mistakes. At that moment. An hour or two later he is fine but in that moment he is so overwhelmed with emotion that he can't let it go. I imagine him in the bathroom after I berated him crying and just want to crawl under a rock. How can I do that to my son who is already hurting and feeling terrible about his performance? I suck. Do I do that to myself? Sometimes. He, and I, need to learn to deal with disappointment and setbacks. 

Many coaches and parents resort to negative reinforcement to rid kids of their anger, frustration, and tantrums during practice and competition. "Just sit out if you can't control your frustration." But punishing kids for getting upset in practice or competition does not work. Do you make your athletes do laps when they get angry or hit their racquet or bat on the ground? Do you threaten to pull kids out of sports altogether if they can't control their outbursts, like I have in the past?

Punishing kids only causes your athletes to get more upset the next time because they know you will come down on them. It does not help kids with the real issue: What's going through your athletes' heads after they make mistakes or lose. Your athletes don't learn the skills that help them cope.

Frustration begins with your athletes' expectations. They demand perfection of themselves or expect to win all the time. If you have a hot head on your team, most likely he or she expects to have a perfect game and never strike out or commit a turnover. They may tell themselves they must score 15 points or go 4-for-4 at the plate.

This rigid thinking sets them up for failure in their eyes—and disappointment—especially when these athletes think they are failing to perform up to your expectations. However, unrealistic expectations is only half the story.

After committing a mistake your athletes are probably hardest on themselves. They'll scold themselves after mistakes: "That was stupid. Why did I strike out?" Or "I can't stand missing a shot on goal." What happens next is a nightmare for parents.

The athlete will lose composure, get angry, and often lose confidence. The coach may even pull the athlete from the game. Sometimes he or she may even give up and tank the game or match. I've personally seen this a lot in baseball and tennis.

Thus, punishing kids for their tantrums in sports does not work. First, you have to help them change their rigid beliefs and expectations that cause the frustration trap. Second, you also have to give your athletes strategies they can use in the moments they start to unravel and when they are self-critical.

Discard expectations-identify the expectation then discard it. It is not going to be an easy win, it is not going to be a top 10 let's just focus on the process and have fun, 

Once you have identified your athletes' expectations, they must agree to discard them, which is easier said than done. Why? Your athletes have learned–in some cases for many years–to hold tightly to their expectations about performance, statistics, and outcomes. You'll want to help your athletes replace their outcome expectations with simple mini-goals or objectives that will lead to greater composure.

We need to get to the bottom of Tucker being afraid to make a mistake or being hard on himself when he makes a mistake. I don't even view DNF as a mistake. I see it as going for it. Why ski slow and safe when you will feel better with a DNF. 

How to Help Athletes Be Let Go of Mistakes

As a coach or parent, focusing on your athletes' observable behavior of shutting down or crying is not the best solution. You have to address your athletes' view or beliefs about their mistakes. When frustrated or angry, athletes' minds are glued to the past. You want to help your kids focus on the present and not dwell on the past. Your players must learn to move on to the next play, shot, routine, or point.

A good place to start is to ask your athletes to write down their anger-causing thoughts soon after practice or the completion of competition. Please allow them to "cool down" first and then ask them to recount what they were thinking right after the mistake. Help them to recall the specific thoughts that lead to frustration or anger.

How athletes think about their mistakes is what can cause emotional pain, not the mistake itself. Your athletes will want to replace the anger-causing statements with composure-boosting statements that help them let go of the anger by instilling greater self-acceptance.

This is a difficult step for most kids because at this stage their learned behavior is self-criticism. The new statements will soon begin to interrupt the old pattern of anger-causing thoughts and instill a new way of thinking about mistakes. This will create a better emotional reaction.

When the parents have high expectations the child takes them on. I wonder if Bucket told Tucker that he was ripping and would win stuff this year? he told me and that set my expectations. We knew that Tucker was skiing well but we did not need to hear oh yea he is going to win stuff. Ugh. 

Composure is the word. It is what we are looking for in ourselves and our athletes. Ski with integrity. Be a good sport. 

Chasing excellence is about you increasing your effort not worrying about anyone else or winning or anything. It is about building confidence by increasing your effort. Boy do I need to increase my effort. Beat yourself. How does that happen in ski racing? I guess it might be letting it go and just skiing. It might be more of a feeling. Or in practice paying attention to your energy levels and taking days off when necessary and eating healthy. 

Recall a recent experience that you’ve had in sport that felt less than stellar, preferably one that totally sucked. 

At both Easterns and Can Ams, I performed below my expectations. I was tired from a full season and the weekend of Champs took a lot out of me. During the time between champs and Easterns I felt listless. I did not want to do anything and I played on my DS too much. The weather was horrible for the GS at Loon. I stood at the top of the course for what felt like an eternity. I did not have my food and got pretty cold. I ended up tying for 8th place which was ok for a 1st run, I had planned let it go for run 2. Well...the weather got worse, the course was dangerous, and the race was called. There was talk about Easterns qualification being based on our best 2 runs rather than 3 runs which meant I was probably in with a 3 and an 8. I felt good the next day for SL. I went for it hard and ended up 

It could have been a race that didn’t go well, a training session that went sideways, or some other thing that felt awful. Recreate that experience in your head—the sights, sounds, and smells, everything that makes it come back to life. Don’t worry if you find this difficult. It is. Once you’ve got the movie playing, leave your body and hover above it, as if you were a human drone, following yourself around, watching yourself go through the suck. You can see yourself, but you are not you in the moment. I know, it sounds bananas. Pick out the thoughts and feelings the “you” down on the ground is experiencing. Try to be aware enough to label the experience but not actually have it (a bit like watching a friend grimace in a race and just knowing what’s going through their mind). If it helps, see thought bubbles appear with the stuff that was going through your head. Now start describing and labeling what you see and the thoughts and feelings you remember yourself having: Oh yes, that’s the part when Judith caught me. She’s coming up on the inside. And now she’s passing me. There’s the first thought: “Judith is passing me? I mean, really? F*cking Judith?” And there goes the second thought: “I must be having a bad day if she’s caught me. See how my whole body starts to tense because I’m so pissed at myself?” And so on. If you find yourself wandering down and into the body of the you below, get back up to your drone! Continue to label the thought bubbles for another few minutes. Congratulations! You’ve just managed to detach yourself from a cognitive and emotional experience! The real you (the chess player) was up in the drone, while your thoughts and feelings (your chess pieces) were busy down below making your life hell. The next time you get overwhelmed by feelings of not being good enough or worthy enough as an athlete, use this exercise to separate the real you from the painful self-schema that’s causing you problems. This technique is also used extensively in the practice of meditation because it helps us to avoid getting bogged down or overwhelmed by negative thoughts and feelings.