Socratic Dragon

 your rivals success can impact your success. If Sam can do it, so can you. He is your friend. The better your rival did last year the better you will do this year. If you can get your head on straight. The better your rival does the better you will do so you want everyone to do well.  The better the field is, the better the field gets because everyone is pushing upwards. Don't be afraid of cheering for your competition. It makes them better you trained with Sam and you helped to make him better. Friends and rivals. Race hard but be friends. Be competitive in an honorable way. Collaborative competition. Take the focus off yourself and support your competitors. Their success will push you to do better. Risk taker. No fear. Cooperation helps everyone succeed. Friendly rivalry, try to beat but don't undermine. Compliment their work. Reason to cooperate. Don't view your rival as competition. Form a common identity. you are part of a group to achieve larger goals. Bring everyone...

 I am thinking about Paul today. Why aren't we looking for Paul? That is a missing link in my life and I would imagine that Mom wants to know although she has not pursue more information. If you were raped and you had the child it is like an abortion. You gave life to the child but you are not wondering where that kid is at? it only increases my  I don't trust anyone with my children. Tucker's outbursts were a reaction to me and my victimhood at that time. He heard all the things I was saying and yelling about these stupid rich people who have all the opportunities and dumb people in town. It created in him a distrust and anger. The worst thing I fear with Tucker's meltdowns is the embarrassment and judgement that might be targeted at me. What a horrible parent. You know she is unstable. She has a drinking problem. Even worse than people judging me is people judging Tucker. Knowing these other people are judging me but yet I sit/sat here in judgement every night assumin...

 Protect myself Project emotions desire to control when all I want is to trust  abandonment issues  Tucker insecurity When you are insecure, you think you know what the other person thinks or feels.  reach out to a friend? I don't have any. Here I am without a friend nearby. I have Sheri who has been around forever! Even with our arguments we are still friends because we know we are both messed up.  How about family? Well Tucker's family has never talked to me much even when they tried to flop molly at our house. Why wouldn't Linda talk to me?  What makes you feel better? What can you do today to feel better?  Up at night wondering if Tucker will melt down again. Worrying that he is feeling anxious about the season. Knowing that he is happy he got to to Austria and ski with friends. On that day back in January when Tucker got into the car and yelled that he was done ski racing, I froze. What do you do when your child is hurting and shutting down becaus...

 Attending Tucker's races has me stressed out. It is not just any race but Proctor. During my melt down and desperation of finding a job for me and a ski academy for the kids I applied for a job at Proctor and then when I did not get the job I got pissy and asked what they were looking for in an applicant. I was angry. I said talk to the Charleston's do a check. Was that before I melted down about masks? Yes, I am sure it was. That was just another trigger. So proctor represents failure for me. Then there is the layout of the place. Nothing nearby, no real lodge just watching 260 racers in the cold. My panic is regarding Tucker melting down. What will I do? What will people think? I can't control Tucker and his outburst if it happens. It puts me on high alert and panic mode. When he melts down it triggers my failures and that it is all my fault so then I feel responisble for treating him so terribly when he did not do well or when he overreacted to dnf or not doing well. I ...

  Write about something you are thinking about or worrying about way too much – or – if you don’t have anything that fits that, choose something you are dreaming about at night or something affecting your life too much in ways you don’t like 11. write for 15-30 minutes honestly write for 4 consecutive days about the same experience Think about three things before you start writing: (1) facts related to experience; (2) emotions felt at the time of experience and now; (3) write about any link that comes to mind, no matter how distant it may seem. Tell yourself the truth. I am worrying that Tucker will not do well this season. If that happens he will have more meltdowns. If he melts down I will be embarrassed and all of his love of the sport will die.  I am nervous about ski season. Driving to the races and confronting people who think I am a bad teacher. The worst part about Tucker have a tough season is that Sam might have another good season and I am comparing Tucker to him. I...