Monday week 8 day 50 & 51

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 up at 5:15

Coffee and ezek with CC then took Shadow for a 2 mile walk and did some stretches. Knocked off workout 1 and started my water. 

Today is a field trip with the kids. I am feeling a bit anxious but once I am on the bus with all the kids heading to the beach I will be calm. 

breakfast 1 ezek with cc, 3 eggs, steak                                              400 calories 35g protein                Lunch  2 quesadilla (wrap, burger) yogurt, berries, granola             600 calories /50g protein                Dinner 1/2 hamburger with ketchup and mustard cheese                 300 calories  30g protein 

After dinner snack steak wrap with cheese (400 calories and 30g protein   380/34g protein     

Total 1700 calories and 148g protein 

Workout this morning 2 miles with Shadow and another 2 after school. I know that I was on a bus for 3 hours of my day but I was still tired especially after watching the lacrosse game in the cold rain. Tomorrow is another trip to the ocean then half day Wednesday and do something on Thursday and Friday. 

Tuesday 5/20 Day 51

I am over the 50 day hump. My next focus is getting to 55 and  56 then to 60 with a 15 day count down. But there is something wrong with always counting down. What about life along the way? Count up or count down or erase the days away...those seem like the only options, but what if I just live day to day? How can I do that when I always need to track things? It is like counting sober days or anything with a deadline. You get lost in the counting and waiting until you can let loose. Well I don't want to lose all of my gains when I stop. I want to keep the morning routine-get up, walk or workout, get back to intermittent fasting, walk in the evening, simplify the routines, weigh myself more often so I can catch the slide. Overall just be more aware of what I am doing and the habits I am forming. Even though I am in the thick of 75 Hard not drinking alcohol and living life, I can't imagine life a night a normal life without alcohol. I guess that is where I need to do work. If I am doing an extreme challenge I can do it because it is part of the thing but to just live normally without alcohol? Why? That just sounds boring. I ask myself, "Why, does that sound boring?" I guess because I wonder why would I want to feel like I do right now if it wasn't for some bigger purpose. What if I am sinning when I drink alcohol? If I drink and get angry and argumentative and break God's law, isn't that a reason to quit? Shouldn't I want to do my best for the Glory of God? How does being drunk glorify God? And if I drink do I want to get drunk or is there more to it? Those are all great questions that I can deal with at a later time. 

I guess it comes down to who do I want to be like? I loved Bebe and Bare and their life. They seemed so free and fun. They worked together on projects to earn money like the Productivity Advancement Associates seminars. They golfed, bowled, and did Bible study together. They met young and grew up together until Bare left too soon at 70


Jerry and Sandy in South Carolina

I was at the store in the office with Sandy, who was stealing things with the buggy. She had the addiction to steal. Jerry said that having things and taking things filled something. 

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