75Hard 2 weeks +2

 It is 28 days of experimenting with alcohol and its effects. I have been alcohol free for 16 days. For the previous 12 days, I looked at my drinking. I wanted to get a true sense of just how much I was drinking because when there is a black box and a frozen bottle, it is difficult to truly see how much you are consuming. I was exhausted from training in the heat and driving Campbell back and forth to wherever she needed to be...I made a ton of excuses. I had that meltdown in June with all the stress building and thinking I needed to put on this fantastic grad party while also planning a school trip and trying to get Mom out here. It was too much, and guess how I handled it? With alcohol. That day could have been really bad. Thank you, God, for watching over me. 

 We had so much fun at graduation and the parties. I wanted the fun to continue. However, there wasn't anybody to do anything with. I think I really began to feel the loneliness. The kids were all working. Tucker picked up work with Dave. I had my class until around July 7; then there was just training and worrying about Cannon's situation. Look at all the thoughts that were driving me crazy. One of the emotional sobriety coaches says, "It's not the alcohol. Get happy first." How do I do that? I am trying to figure it out. My class took me for a little loop as there was a life span interview as the final project. It got me thinking. Those thoughts again. I can't just exist. There always has to be some big problem to solve. I create chaos when I drink. Little things become big things, and I sit there and think, and think, then I might act on the thoughts. Not always but enough. 

July was moving along pretty well. I was running, going to the river, and just getting things done. The Wednesday before I left for Michigan, things started getting out of hand. I was back to waking up at 2am wide awake. I would come downstairs and have a few glasses of wine or tequila and something to eat. Then I would haul my ass back upstairs. I would sleep until 8 or 9, then have to get up to take Campbell. It was just absurd. I was still getting my workouts. I think it was the Thursday before Michigan that I had been drinking; I went to bed about 8:30, then woke up at midnight. I started drinking again and decided to take 10 units of the glp1. I had a dance party and really enjoyed myself. I finally went to bed at 4am. I slept until noon. Campbell was worried. The week before I had done a similar thing, but this time, Tucker and Abby were home when I woke up after a nap, and it was like 2pm. I just said, I haven't been able to sleep and I already did my run. I really thought it was no big deal because I was getting my runs done, and I was doing all this damn driving. It was not good. The glp might have been screwing with me, but regardless, it was not good. I had been thinking that I was drinking too much. On the Friday when Campbell woke me at noon. We went to Lincoln, and Tucker and I had a nice time until I drank too much and we got into a fight. I think Saturday and Sunday were ok. I told him, I just want this race over. Monday I began to assess my mess. I tried to count the drinks. 8-12 I guessed. I knew I was drinking too much, but it was shocking to actually admit to it. 

On Tuesday, July 28, I began to cut back. No more than a bottle. LOL that is 5 drinks but it was better than drinking all day and consuming double digits. Wednesday I drove to Michigan and had three glasses of Chinese when I arrived. Thursday-Saturday a bottle each day. Sunday I can't really remember what I did; I would assume a bottle. Then Monday was out with the girls. I had two martinis at lunch, then at home I finished the bottle of red, probably 3 glasses. Tuesday travel home, Chinese, and 4 glasses of wine. Wednesday had my tooth pulled. That night, I drank Ghost tequila and ate chipotle and Moe's. Why is it always Moe's that sets me off on a no-drinking kick? I was close to being done. I was disgusted with myself. I was ashamed of the event in June. I was unhappy. Thursday or Friday I had a big fight with Tucker. Campbell and I came back over here on Saturday. I was finishing the Ghost and she asked to try it. I said, "You're not going to like it." She did not like it. She said so, and then I took a drink and said, "You're right." I threw it out, and that was the last drink I had before going AF. 

My no alcohol started on Sunday, August 9. I got up, made a grocery list, dropped Campbell off and got everything I needed to eat healthy and go AF. Monday I cooked up the food for the lake, Tuesday we went to the lake, and I drove home with no issues at 9pm. That felt really good. I showed up for Campbell. I did not need alcohol. When I was getting tired, I went out to the float and took a break. When we were sitting around I asked Tucker to brew some coffee. Then Wednesday or Thursday I met up with Jen A for coffee. We talked for four hours. Yikes. The weekend went well. I just keeping rotating through my 75 Hard things. I cleaned the front porch in Lincoln, and I have been trying to prep for school. Tuesday August 18, Tucker's wisdom teeth extraction. I have been taking care of him and doing all the things...like shopping. 

Today I went shopping from 11-2. I got up and took Shadow for a 4 mile walk. After dropping Campbell off at work, I headed to the outlets. I returned her bra and mine that did not fit. I found her another cute one that she might like. I decided not to use my $10 book credit just yet. Stonewall Kitchen had great stuff. I got Cannon a crepe pan, crepe mix, and we are getting him skis. All the good winter stuff. I also picked up blueberry jam and a blueberry coffee cup for Linda's birthday. A few other stocking stuffers as well. Then I went to Lululemon. I found the wrist wallet Campbell wanted and a sweatshirt that she did not say she wanted but it was so cute and perfect for her. She still needs jeans and shoes. Next, I was excited to visit the new Marathon Sports store. It was very sparse. The just opened, so no big deal. However, nobody greeted me. I walked slowly through the store, checking out the shoes and clothes. One guy, presumably an employee, was deep in conversation with a woman about Ragnar RTB. Another employee was mesmerized by a hiker telling his tales. I did not see anything special. 

Campbell had left her phone in my car, so I drove it back to her at work. She works is a nice, crowded store. Lots of fun stuff. Before heading home, I stopped off at Staple's for $100 worth of notebooks. I spent a ton of money today. I used my hair cash for Stonewall Kitchen. I guess I will be doing my own color. Homegoods was the final stop. I walked slowly through the stemware, coffee, foods, etc. I am trying to see what I like. I did get a satin pillow case that is waiting for me to put my head on it.