Socratic Dragon

 It occurred to me that being sober for a challenge feels like when I was pregnant. I did not drink. I did have a delicious mid-morning coffee with a chocolate chip pancake occasionally. I most clearly remember being pregnant with Tucker. It was the same with Cannon and Campbell; I was just busier. With Cannon, I was teaching classes, planning a wedding, and prepping for baby while trying to train for Boston. Then came the big road trip to Michigan and then on to our honeymoon out west. I don't remember wanting a drink. If it was there, I would have a sip, but big deal. I distinctly remember sitting at the pool in Utah, reading Jared Diamond and completely relaxing. I did not feel stressed or pressured. I feel a little like that now. I don't have a noose around my neck.  When we went out to Michigan in June 2007, I don't recall getting stupid drunk or drinking during the day. I drank in moderation, not desperation. That is the shift. I did not need alcohol to have fun; I li...

 It is 28 days of experimenting with alcohol and its effects. I have been alcohol free for 16 days. For the previous 12 days, I looked at my drinking. I wanted to get a true sense of just how much I was drinking because when there is a black box and a frozen bottle, it is difficult to truly see how much you are consuming. I was exhausted from training in the heat and driving Campbell back and forth to wherever she needed to be...I made a ton of excuses. I had that meltdown in June with all the stress building and thinking I needed to put on this fantastic grad party while also planning a school trip and trying to get Mom out here. It was too much, and guess how I handled it? With alcohol. That day could have been really bad. Thank you, God, for watching over me.   We had so much fun at graduation and the parties. I wanted the fun to continue. However, there wasn't anybody to do anything with. I think I really began to feel the loneliness. The kids were all working. Tucker...

 2026 annual attempt at 75 Hard Summer had gotten away from me. Mid-June, the pressure began to build. I was coaching track, planning and executing a field trip, and there were lacrosse games, shopping, and all the other normal things.  Everything was falling on my shoulders (I felt). Mom wasn't feeling well, and her doctor decided to take her off all of her medications to see what would happen, but she needed to stay close by in case it did not go well. That actually was a relief. I didn't want mom getting exhausted.  Besides, I would be so busy with all the party prep work. All that stress led me to drink more. The more I drank, the more I found myself in bad situations. I would teach, coach track, come home, and drink. Lacrosse game? Drink. Home alone? Drink. Nothing to do? Drink. I drove drunk a few times. The most memorable could have led to a DUI, but for some reason, I was spared.  Did it wake me up? Not really. I felt so ashamed that I drowned it out with a f...